


to value  yourself

by snarfu



Series: decades [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: 420 yo, 60’s au, Homophobia, M/M, Marijuana, Underage Smoking, a little internalized homophobia too, but nothing too graphic, felix is a hippie & changbin is a salty gang member, homophobia everywhere, i did a bunch of research but i still know nothing about the sixties, i don’t know what i’m doing, i'm sorry but minho & seungmin are only mentioned, part one of a series owo, rated teen & up for like three swear words, there’s a lot of fights
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-09-20 12:55:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17023026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snarfu/pseuds/snarfu
Summary: starts january twenty second, nineteen sixty four.felix values his homosexuality.so much so, he insists it’s a vital part of his introduction to anyone.felix values his immunity to fear.he ignores the people most supportive of him when they tell him to stop because it’s “not safe to go around telling people that”.felix values other people.he is kind, likes to help others & believes in world peace.felix, however, doesn’t value himself.he constantly puts himself in danger as a result of his overflowing, loud pride.but felix doesn’t think much of it.even if the jd he brought to the hospital the other day is telling him that he should.





	1. - one -

**Author's Note:**

> this is the first thing i’ve ever published. 
> 
> i have written a lot before, but this is the first time i’m confident i’ll actually finish something so i’ll publish the first chapter. i’m actually pretty far ahead, i have seven chapters drafted so far. i don’t like the idea of publishing things in real time, the chances of me ultimately scrapping something is high & i don’t want to risk it. i hope that’s okay uwu.
> 
> lowercase intentional. 
> 
> edit: i don’t know how i forgot to say this but “two whales diner” is a reference to one of my favourite video games “life is strange”. technically, the game didn’t inspire me to write this but i couldn’t think of a diner name so i thought why not. besides, this whole series is based off the concept of time.

changbin blinked a few times, his eyes adjusting to the blinding white of the hospital room as he regained consciousness.

“hey, you're awake!” a boy he didn't recognize exclaimed excitedly, he was dressed in tie-dye & bell bottoms.

changbin let out a string of curses, both in pain & at the boy sitting close to his hospital bed. he hated hippies & their philosophies, so why was there one in his vicinity?

“who the fuck are you?” changbin snapped.

“hey! why so aggressive? besides i’m the one that brought you here, you got beat up pretty badly, are you okay?” he asked with genuine concern.

“yeah i'm fine, but you didn't answer me: who are you?” changbin repeated.

“i'm felix! what's your name?”

“...just call me bin,” he replied carefully, giving out your full name to someone you just met after a gang fight was a one way ticket to the cooler.

“okay binnie!”

changbin glared at him when the nickname slipped past his lips, felix noticed but didn’t apologize. 

“where are the members?”

“of the gang you're in? the doctors already called them, they're on their way.”

felix’s eyes scanned changbin’s face for a few long moments, he glared back at him in response. 

“say, you're one foxy cat!”

changbin choked on air, felix just winked.

felix, this boy, had just called changbin, him, attractive & it took a few moments for changbin to come up with an eloquent reply:

“what, you're…”

felix laughed.

“yeah!” he responded without him having to finish.

“you just go around telling people that? what if you get jumped?” changbin almost scolded him, his voice hushed.

“it’s happened a few times, but look! i'm alive!”

“…but what would you have done if i called you disgusting?” changbin asked.

“most people do! i'm surprised you didn't, but i would've just walked it off, it doesn't matter!”

changbin was intimidated, felix, this boy with infinite confidence, had claimed he could “just walk off” probably long speeches about how he's a sinner or whatever so nonchalantly.

“so what now?”

“we go out on a date! i mean only if you wanna… ” felix offered, a smile on his face.

“sure- i mean-... no, no i'm not-... i'm not homosexual...”

felix raised his eyebrows at changbin’s fumbling words.

he smiled nonetheless “okay! that's cool!” he replied.

“but we can like hang out or something, are you free this saturday?”

“yeah!”

“i could bring the rest of the members, i promise they're not scary,”

“i'm not afraid of anyone,”

changbin smiled “i figured… thanks for bringing me to the hospital, by the way,”

“you're welcome!” 

“ok, so, um, for saturday, how about at eight, at two whales diner, yeah?”

“yeah! that's perfect!” felix responded, grabbing the pen on changbin’s nightstand to write the information on his hand.

“i have to go now, i'll see you this weekend!”

“bye felix,”

“bye binnie!”

>>>>>>

“changbin really? it's your second fight this week & it's only wednesday!” chan chastised.

“i know, i know… it's just that he chose jeongin to beat up even though the kid’s never done anything wrong in his life,”

jeongin shifted uncomfortably as the attention of everyone in the room was brought to him & the bandage on his cheek.

“i think changbin’s decision was valid,” hyunjin voiced.

“four guys against one isn't valid in any situation,” jisung argued.

“guys there's someone i'd like to introduce you to,”

“woah! you sound so serious about this, is it a girl~?” chan teased.

“no, he's a hippie,”

everyone in the room groaned in unison. hyunjin let out a long & low whistle, something he does when he’s not sure where something is going or if he’s nervous.

“a hippie? are you turning soft or something?” jisung questioned.

“no,”

“it seems the dark concept is no more fellow members! changbin has befriended a hippie & the pigs are flying!” chan announced.

“so fucking dramatic, i barely know him,”

“then why do you want to introduce us to him?” hyunjin asked, handing him a cigarette, he'd knew he'd be stressed.

“he delivered me to the hospital, i was unconscious, i knew you guys would want to thank him, so two whales diner, saturday, at eight, all of you,”

“he must be admirable, you don't favour hippies much,” jeongin reminded him.

“he intimidates me,” he responded honestly, taking a long drag of his cigarette & throwing his head back to stare up at the ceiling.

jeongin knitted his eyebrows together in confusion “how? he's a hippie, he must be harmless,”

“he has no fear, it's both the most dangerous & most powerful trait to possess, jeongin,”

chan smiled “changbin, it's no wonder you're my second in command,”


	2. - two -

“binnie! hi!” felix greeted, running up to changbin & the others when he spotted him.

“hey felix…” changbin trailed, not missing the confused expression on chan’s face, changbin never let anyone call him any sort of endearing nickname.

“so this is chan, that's hyunjin, jisung, & jeongin,” changbin introduced, pointing to each one of them as he said their names.

“hey! big disclaimer before i sit down & get comfortable: i'm gay.”

“changbin, you're gay?!” jisung exclaimed, his round eyes widening to their full potential.

hyunjin whistled, it was a low, long, shrill sound. 

“i don't understand, he just announced the fact he's happy,” jeongin addressed innocently to chan.

“no, he means he's homosexual, that means that now,” chan explained.

“felix, why?” changbin complained.

“i thought i told you? everytime i meet someone new i tell them i'm gay.”

“changbin, you're a homosexual?” jeongin asked unoriginally.

“no, no, no! he isn't a homosexual, i am,” felix answered for him.

“but doesn't that mean-”

“no, it doesn't jisung,” changbin was glaring at the loud boy now.

“sit down, felix was it?” chan asked, wishing for changbin & jisung to just shut up. 

“mhm, yeah,” he confirmed, sliding into the booth next to changbin.

“we're treating you today as a thank you for bringing changbin to the hospital, people don't usually help us out you know. when they look at us all they see are a group of useless juvenile delinquents, so stuff like what you did means a lot,” chan explained.

“aww, thanks, i really appreciate it,” felix responded.

changbin studied felix as they waited for their food. today he had a pair of round rimless glasses resting on his nose. changbin doesn't know how he didn't notice it before, but felix had freckles sprinkled along his cheekbones & the bridge of his nose. his hair was bleached & his lips looked… soft.

“changbin, you're staring.”

“oh, i’m sorry,” changbin muttered, his hand making its way to the back of his neck. he took note of the fact that this is the first time felix has said his real name, he felt a little bad for not telling him earlier. 

“it's fine.”

after they ate they stayed at the table for a while, talking amongst themselves.

“so, you have any friends?” hyunjin brought up.

“well, there’s minho & seungmin, also woojin who practically raised me, but he’s more of a guardian type figure.”

“woojin? as in kim woojin?” chan asked.

“yeah! you know him?”

“he's in one of my classes,” chan said more to himself than anyone.

“really? you go to the same college?” felix asked.

“yeah, had to do a project with him once, he's nice…” chan trailed off, looking out the window next to him. chan pretends he’s distracted when he wants the topic of the conversation to shift, most of the time it works. 

“oh it's getting late, i should be going home,” felix noticed, reading the analog clock on the wall.

everyone bid him farewell except changbin, who insisted on walking him home.

they walked in uncomfortable, awkward silence almost all the way to felix’s house.

until someone came up to them & punched changbin square in the face with a knuckle duster. changbin fell down to the floor, laying there trying to rub the black dots out of his vision before he realized that the person had beat felix until he was curled up into a ball on the ground. now he was holding a lighter. a lighter. in his right hand.

it happened so quickly, but changbin didn't hesitate to smack his coca-cola bottle hard against his head, making the glass shatter to pieces. changbin decides that was the right move when he drops his lighter & runs away.

“felix! are you okay?” he asked the boy that was now sitting up.

“i’m okay! thank you so much!” felix responded with a bright smile, contrasting with the bruises on his face.

“felix, felix, oh god, felix,” changbin muttered falling to the ground next to him to pull him into a hug.

“what's wrong?”

“he was gonna burn you felix.”

“oh yeah! i saw the lighter he had.”

“felix, he could’ve- felix,” changbin started to sob quietly into his shoulder.

“i know, but i'm fine now because of you, so there's no reason to cry,” felix whispered softly, gently patting his back. 

“what if i wasn't with you? what would've happened then?” 

“i don’t know, but why do you care so much you've just met-”

“i- i don't know,” changbin cut him off before he could finish.

felix laughed “you're softer than i thought, crying for me & everything.”

“i don't know how you could still laugh like that, aren't you distressed?”

felix’s smile grew bigger “how could i be when i know it's going to be alright? tomorrow when i wake up, the sun will rise, my pulse will be intact, & there will be eggs & bacon on my plate like everyday. changbin, my hero, thank you so much, but please don't cry because of me.”

changbin tried to wipe the tears off of his face using the sleeves of his leather jacket which wasn't that helpful.

“maybe we should go somewhere more private, i have a backyard with a nice swing,” felix suggested.

changbin hummed in agreement as he stood up from felix’s lap, letting them leave the hard concrete of the sidewalk.

>>>>>>

“felix?” changbin spoke when they set themselves down on the pergola swing.

“yeah?” he responded, turning his attention away from the swarm of moths crowding the outdoor lamp.

“i know i’m not supposed to, but i really like you, romantically i mean & i can’t bear the thought of losing you. please be more careful.” changbin whispered.

“...oh?... what happened to ‘i'm not a homosexual’?” felix reminded him.

“...i-i'm so sorry felix, i really was trying not to fall for you, but-”

“hey, you know what, nevermind, forget that, just kiss me foxy cat,” felix encouraged with a smile.

“really?”

“yes, really”

changbin slowly neared his face, in fact, he did it way too slowly.

“why are you so afraid? don't be afraid, darling,” felix whispered before he took changbin’s face in his hands & kissed him himself. it was a little short since changbin’s paranoia rose in his stomach, making him pull back to scan their surroundings.

“there’s no one here binnie, there’s nothing to worry about.”

“the moths are here,” changbin said quickly, pathetically, an excuse for his paranoia.

“the moths are silent creatures, they won’t tell,” felix told him.

changbin didn’t respond, instead he let felix kiss him again, but even then he gave no response.

“why aren’t you… kissing me back?” felix asked, the hurt evident in his voice. 

changbin doesn’t think he’s ever heard felix sad until now, it made his heart feel weak, “i’m not supposed to like you,” he whispered after a long while, scared it’ll hurt felix even more.

“what do you mean you’re not supposed to like me? who ever said that?” felix asked softly.

“i’m not supposed to like you because i’m not gay felix,” changbin muttered.

felix let out a pitiful sigh “oh, binnie… listen to me darling: the fact that you like me makes you gay, that’s what that term means.”

“but i can’t like boys.”

“c-changbin please, don’t say things like that,” felix muttered, pulling changbin into a tight hug.

“...it’s getting late & your parents don’t know you’re home yet… they must be worried,” changbin brought up.

“you’re right, but i want you to sleep on what happened tonight, okay?”

“...okay,” changbin agreed.

“come with me, yeah? it would be nice for you to meet someone.”

“hey, felix?”

“hm?”

“if you tell anyone about tonight, i'll kill you in your sleep.”

felix giggled at changbin’s exaggerated threat.

“i'm not scared of you! but i understand, i won't tell anyone, i promise.”

>>>>>>

they arrived at the porch of felix’s house shortly afterwards, he reached for the doorknob but changbin stopped him before he could open the front door. 

“um, are you free tomorrow?”

felix furrowed his eyebrows, his smile permanent on his face “i am, but why?”

“because, there's this drive-in, do you like animation?”

“sure.”

“let’s go, the two of us.”

felix’s cheeks grew red under the motion sensored lamp.

“do you know what you’re asking changbin?”

“yes,” changbin’s tone was solid & sure.

“i'll pick you up & drop you off,” changbin knew it was unrealistic, but he didn't feel comfortable letting felix walk anywhere anymore.

felix furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. hadn’t he had been so unsure about how he felt for felix just a second ago? “...okay! sure! what movie is it?” he wasn’t sure if he was wasting his time by saying yes. 

“the sword in the stone, it came out last christmas, it's at seven, in williamson park. i was going to go by myself originally, the members think they're too hardcore for animation or something.”

“yeah, that's perfect!” felix replied, opening the door.

“felix, what happened to you?! are you okay? who is this? did he-”

“woojin, please, calm down,” felix attempted, he'd forgotten his face was covered with bruises.

“don't tell me someone tried to beat you up again.”

“they, um, they had a lighter,” changbin told him, his voice quiet.

felix looked at him with wide eyes, he shouldn't have said that.

“what? someone tried to burn you?!” woojin’s eyes started to water.

“no! please don't cry, i'm fine see?”

“just- just come in, both of you.”

changbin sat on the couch next to felix as woojin went back to the tea he seemed to have started making not too long ago.

“woojin, this is changbin, he's really nice,” felix said from the living room of the small house.

“…is he?” woojin questioned, changbin comes off as scary to a lot of people, maybe because of the whole gang thing.

“he walked me home,” felix reminded him, stating the obvious. he couldn't understand why woojin assumed he was anything but a good person.

“oh i see, i’m so sorry, thank you so much, i'm so glad you remembered to ask someone to walk home with you this time, oh god,” woojin said, running a hand through his hair in both relief & stress.

“but i offered to walk you home, didn't i?” changbin whispered to the boy next to him.

felix nervously laughed at that “yeah…” 

“felix, you should value yourself more. your friends & mr….”

“just call him woojin, he doesn't care, i promise.” 

“but… i wanna be respectful!” changbin whined.

“he's not even that old! he's twen-”

“my last name is kim!” woojin interrupted from the kitchen.

“mr. kim! mr. kim, your friends, & i care a lot about you, even if i just met you. i want you to care about yourself a lot too. i know it's sad, but you have to put an effort into protecting yourself too if you're going to live in this society with the way you, um, introduce yourself,” changbin told him.

“tea.”

“what?” 

“tea, i just finished making it,” woojin elaborated, placing a tray that held three mugs of tea on the coffee table.

“oh, okay.”

“so, changbin, are you in… in a gang? if you don't mind me asking of course,” woojin started, pulling out a first aid kit from one of the cabinets in the kitchen. 

“yeah, there's four other members: jeongin, hyunjin, jisung, & chan.”

“chan? as in bang chan?

“...yeah.”

woojin smiled a little big, pink dusting his cheeks “oh, i know him.”

“what happened between you two?! chan was just as suspicious!” felix demanded to know.

“can't tell you,” woojin answered quickly.

“whyyy?” felix whined.

“he said ‘he'd kill me in my sleep’ if i told anyone.”

felix turned to face changbin with a questioning yet knowing look. now felix not only knows his threat was empty, but that it was also recycled. changbin buried his face into his hands.

“hey it's late, as soon as i'm done treating you you should go home. i don't want your parents to worry, maybe i should drive you home…”

“no, i'll be fine & i don't live far, thank you though, you've done a lot already,” changbin told woojin as he put the equipment back inside the small white container.

“i'll walk you to the door,” felix said, taking changbin’s hand to lead him to the door.

“i guess… i'll see you tomorrow?” changbin half-asked quietly as he stood on their porch.

“yeah you will! when will you pick me up?”

“oh, um, six…?” he paused trying to calculate how much time he should allow to pick felix up & get to the drive-in “…thirty, six thirty,”

“okay, perfect! sleep well!” felix replied, pulling changbin out of the light of the motion sensored lamp & pressing a kiss to his cheek.

changbin actually couldn't go to sleep that night, he couldn't stop thinking about how soft felix’s lips were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’ll try to upload every week from now on yeah?
> 
> anyway i wanna say a big thank you to @hermionevaturi or romi for being my beta & motivating me to write this & just being a great person, this whole story would have never been published if it weren’t for her uwu.


	3. - three -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay this is pretty late just pretend i didn't say anything about uploading weekly. also i realize that i changed their ages a lot, so i'll probably make some type of guide later if it helps.

changbin tapped his fingers against the driving wheel nervously & read the time on his watch for the twentieth time: six twenty six.

he had been occasionally (every minute or so) looking back at his watch ever since he arrived at felix’s house twenty minutes early. he'd been mostly thinking about the situation he was in. this is the first date he's ever been on & not only was it with a hippie, but that hippie also happened to be a boy. why, why on earth was he about to go on a date with a boy?

changbin slammed his head against the driver's wheel in frustration. he lifted his head up when he heard a knock on the window of his car door.

“hey, what's wrong?” felix’s voice was muffled from the thick glass & his eyebrows were knitted together in concern.

“nothing, just come inside,” changbin told him when he got out of the car.

“but it's locked.”

“it is?” changbin questioned, looking over at the handle of the passenger’s door.

“it is! i'm so sorry,” changbin apologized, moving to unlock it from the inside of the car.

“it's fine!”

felix laughed when he saw changbin get out of the car again.

“where are you even going? aren’t you driving?” he asked, watching changbin go around the front of the car to the door of the passenger’s seat with him. 

“i am driving,” changbin told him as he opened the car door. 

“then what are you doing?”

“i’m- i’m opening the door for you,” he trailed, quickly feeling his confidence dwindling. 

“oh, i’m so sorry, of course that’s what you're doing,” felix muttered as he facepalmed himself. 

“don’t apologize.”

“okay, anyways, thank you,” felix mumbled, his smile growing back onto his face. 

just seeing felix smile made changbin smile too “you’re very welcome.”

“we should go before we end up in a spot in the back,” changbin suggested when he got back in the driver’s seat. 

“yeah, let's do that.”

>>>>>>

changbin & felix sat in changbin’s (actually chan’s) used car with a big bucket of popcorn waiting for the movie to start.

“how did you end up unconscious on the concrete last monday?” felix asked suddenly.

“the youngest in my group, jeongin... these four cats decided to try & be funny by messing with him.”

“four guys at once?”

“...yeah, i know it was a little stupid.”

“why are you in a gang? i'm sure there's a reason,” felix asked with genuine curiosity.

“well, for all of my early childhood, i was raised only by my mother. she kept on telling me that she wouldn't date because it would distract her from me & college. i eventually convinced her to start dating because ‘it'll cheer you up’ & ‘maybe you'll find a husband to help’. she found a boyfriend, dated him for a couple of years… & took off when i was fourteen. i had some friends, but it became clear that i couldn't live off of their groceries through sleepovers for long. one day chan spotted me in the store using half of my birthday money to buy a big bunch of groceries by myself because i was hungry. he asked what i was doing buying groceries by myself, i explained everything & he felt pity. he took me in, told me i could eat anything in his fridge & sleep on his couch whenever. a short time passed & jisung joined & we established ourselves as 3racha. we wanted to be scary, aggressive, we believed it was the only way to regain justice, we were young robin hoods or whatever. two years pass, hyunjin & jeongin join & by then the name 3racha wasn't applicable anymore. the name felt smaller now with hyunjin & jeongin. it's been two more years since then & we still haven't come up with a name for ourselves, can you believe that?… sorry that was too long…”

“no, that wasn't too long changbinnie! i'm glad you're comfortable enough with me to share all of that,” felix replied, intertwining their fingers.

changbin felt butterflies in his stomach at the small gesture, he hated the effect felix had on him.

“thanks.”

“for what?”

“for… existing.”

felix laughed “okay then! you're welcome darling!”

suddenly, the large screen lit up, making changbin light up too.

“it's starting!”

felix laughed “someone’s excited!”

changbin proceeded to stare in awe at the animation as it began.

>>>>>>

“did you like it? i think it was good,” felix asked him as the rest of the credits rolled.

“yeah!” changbin replied, his eyes sparkling.

felix giggled “you're so precious darling,” he whispered, his gaze landing on changbin’s lips.

“come closer, yeah?” felix suggested, leaning towards him.

“what? is there something on my face?” he asked, leaning over the gear shift of the car.

felix smiled, leaning in even closer “no, you foolish cat,” he said quietly, causing their lips to brush together slightly.

changbin let himself kiss felix, but only for so long before he pulled away & scanned the premises outside the car in paranoia.

“there's no one here except us changbin darling. just try to focus on me right now, okay?” 

“i'm sorry lix,” changbin muttered.

felix smiled at the nickname “thanks,” he replied as he tried to lean over the gear lever again.

“maybe we should move to the backseat…” felix suggested, almost glaring at the division between them.

changbin agreed & they moved to the back:

“open your mouth a bit more,” changbin told him in between the kiss.

felix smiled against the kiss at changbin’s sudden confidence, he decided he liked his change in attitude & complied.

when felix felt his tongue on his he let out a deep, low moan making changbin realize that he never really paid attention to how deep his voice was. changbin wasn't exactly sure how someone with such a cute baby face could produce such low octaves, but he was sure that he liked it... a lot.

“binnie,” felix muttered, his voice raspy against changbin’s lips.

changbin felt like he was dying in the best way possible.

they stayed like this for a while, felix straddling changbin (when did they get in this position?) until they broke the kiss.

felix giggled, a little dazed, his eyes hooded. his hair was disheveled & his lips were coated with a layer of saliva making them glisten under the moonlight that shined in through the car windows. changbin thought he looked absolutely beautiful.

“you're a good kisser, foxy cat,” felix leaned over to his ear to whisper.

“i am?”

changbin has never kissed anyone before, but maybe chan wrote him a whole essay on how to kiss someone. 

“so you don't embarrass yourself” was the only context chan gave him when he placed the thin collection of paper into his hands, the typewriter ink still fresh.

felix moved so that his back was against changbin’s chest “how many people have you kissed before me?” 

changbin didn't respond.

“so you won't tell me, okay then,” felix said, his smile growing bigger.

“hey, since you asked me why i’m in a gang, can i ask you why are you a hippie?”

“well, my family moved here from australia three years ago-”

“oh so that's where you're from,” changbin interrupted.

“you can't recognize an aussie accent? then where did you think i was from?”

“...oh you do have an australian accent!”

“you never realized?”

“no.”

felix laughed “anyway, nothing happened for a while. i made new friends at my new school, the parents love me, it's all good. well of course until i realized i have a crush. that's what makes little felix oh so distressed. a couple months pass, i confess with all the confidence i could possibly gather, which honestly wasn't that much at the time. little felix quickly regrets this when the cat tells everyone about little felix’s sexuality, including his parents whose parents tell my parents. boom, little felix is out the door, he's homeless & alone at fourteen, like a fucking stray. i stayed homeless for about a month until one of the seniors at my school, woojin, spotted me in the park & realized the situation i was in. he said he'd let me stay with him if i promised never to hurt anyone intentionally. i really didn't want a repeat of what happened with my parents, so that's when i started introducing myself like that. he was unfazed, took me in anyway. so i guess that's it, kinda similar to your story now that i think about it.”

“wow that's- that's a lot, that must've been… ”

“haha, yeah… you know, i like you a lot darling, you're such a nice boyfriend-”

“i'm not your boyfriend.”

maybe changbin regretted saying that when he saw felix’s sad expression.

“so this was all a prank?”

“no, no not at all!” changbin said quickly.

“so why can't i be your boyfriend?”

“because if we become boyfriends, then we'll be official.”

“what's so wrong with that? we don't have to tell any-”

“no because if we're official i'll be officially gay,” changbin muttered.

felix sighed in annoyance “what the fuck are you talking about?! don't you hear yourself?” he snapped.

changbin blinked.

felix took a deep breath “changbin, you've been gay since the day you were born, so please don't do that to yourself, please don't. you're gay okay? sleep on that if you have to binnie.”

“b-but-”

felix shut him up with a peck on his lips.

“can you take me home? it's getting late & woojin likes to worry.”

“yes, of course, lix… sorry i just-”

“sleep on it binnie,” felix repeated.

when felix bid him farewell that night he said thanks & asked him for his telephone number. changbin gave it to him & watched him walk up to the door to usher himself inside. 

changbin definitely did sleep on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have a lot planned for this series, i hope i'll be able to write it all.  
> when i say this series i mean more than just changlix in the sixties.  
> i can't tell you anything else but please anticipate the concepts & ideas i have in mind!


	4. - four -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have a twitter! @snooorf! there’s like nothing there yet!

“hello? you're speaking to the bang chan residence.”

“is binnie there? changbin i mean.”

“yeah, wait let me just- changbin! it's for you!” chan called out, his hand covering the input end of the telephone.

changbin emerged from his room, grumpy from the fact he was interrupted from his homework.

“hello?” changbin greeted into the telephone.

“darling~ it's been awhile, i've been wanting to hear your voice again,” 

maybe changbin blushed. he missed felix more than he thought, even if it had only been two weeks.

“i miss you,” he voiced.

“i'm sorry i took so long to call you, i lost the slip of paper i wrote your number on for a while.”

“it's okay dear, it happens to the best of us,” changbin regrets this almost immediately as chan could’ve definitely heard that from where he had retreated back into the kitchen. 

“oh ‘dear’?” changbin could practically hear his smile in his tone of voice, “that's cute, i like it, but i called to ask you, would you like to come over? nothing special, it’s just to see each other again.”

“yeah, that sounds good,” changbin replied, throwing out any thoughts about homework from his brain.

“what time is good for you?”

“um, anytime, anytime you'd like to lix.”

“great! then come over now.”

“oh, okay, sure,” he replied, dumbfounded but smiling anyway.

they said goodbye so changbin could make his way to felix’s house.

>>>>>>

“did you sleep on it binnie?” felix asked when he opened the front door for him.

“yeah, i might be sleeping on it a lot actually.”

felix smiled “okay don't think about it too much, there's other things you need to focus on too,” he told him, dragging him down into the couch.

“i guess.”

felix leaned in to pepper changbin’s face & neck in soft kisses.

“what are you doing lix?” changbin asked, a smile on his face.

felix giggled “i can't help myself, you're so handsome.”

“no i’m not,” changbin said quickly.

“yes you are.”

“no i'm not.”

“yes you-”

changbin interrupted felix with a short kiss to his lips. 

“but… you are handsome…” felix trailed off.

“thank you...” changbin muttered before he closed the short distance between them again.

>>>>>>

“so what's been going on recently?” changbin asked him, looking around felix’s room from the edge of his bed.

“yesterday! didn't you hear?” felix jumped up suddenly.

“what, what happened yesterday?”

“the beatles!”

“the what?”

“this new band! c’mon changbin, are you living under a rock? they're probably on the radio right now.”

felix turned on the small radio in his room & twisted the dials for a few moments to lessen the static.

“this is them?”

“yeah, they're so good!”

“i mean, i guess.”

“they're english you know? isn't that cool how they could come all the way from europe & become instantly popular here? there's no such thing as borders with music.”

“that'd be nothing in fifty years, we would discover magic by then & share information on the super magic highway. musical artists from across the world will rise.”

changbin’s predictions made felix laugh, “you're insane.” 

“no i'm not, i just know.” 

“oh stop it,” felix told him as he leaned his head against changbin’s shoulder “maybe when you get a degree in fortune telling i’ll believe you…”

changbin’s gaze fell to the floor as he remembered something, a little hesitant to ask about it. 

“…binnie, is there something that’s on your mind?” felix asks when changbin doesn’t say anything back. 

“… i realized i didn't have any photos of you… so i brought my camera… b-but only if you want to-”

“why you ask so timidly? take all the photos you'd like binnie, make me your supermodel!” felix exclaimed.

“thanks.”

“wait let me change into something that isn't plaid pajamas.”

“okay.”

“we have a tv, you could use it.”

“does it have colours?” he asked cheekily from the doorway.

felix smiled at that “now don't get picky darling.”

>>>>>>

changbin was intently watching the screen of the television as it ran an episode of the flintstones when felix quietly came up from behind him.

“boo!” he exclaimed not too loudly as he suddenly grabbed changbin’s shoulders, making him jump in shock.

“lix! don’t do that!” he whined with a pout.

“you’re so cute binnie!” felix told him, giving him a kiss on his cheek.

“you’re cuter.”

“aww binnie~” felix cooed, nuzzling his face into changbin’s hair from embarrassment.

“but together we’re just cheesy.”

“it’s fine, there’s no one here to complain about it.”

“where is mr. kim anyway?”

“mr. kim…? like woojin? he’s in class.”

“oh that’s right, he’s in college.”

“let’s do this!” felix exclaimed suddenly.

“the photoshoot?”

“yeah! the photoshoot!”

>>>>>>

“you’re amazing, you know that?” changbin voiced, the photos he took resting on the coffee table & felix leaning his head against changbin’s shoulder.

“i used to doubt that but i’ve realized over time that i am. thank you for reminding me,” he whispered in his ear, pressing a kiss to changbin’s jawline when he finished his sentence.

changbin didn’t hold back his smile “you’re so affectionate lix,” he whispered, leaning in to kiss him.

“woah! hey, hi,” woojin greeted as he walked in through the front door.

“woojin! weren’t you supposed to come home at ten?” 

“it is ten loverboy! time goes by quicker right?”

changbin never thought felix could reach such a level of embarrassment before he hid his face in changbin’s neck instead of responding to woojin.

“anyway, send changbin back home soon okay? it’s late,” he told him as he started up the stairs.

changbin didn’t speak. he was lost in thought: he didn’t realize until now that he’d have to tell the members eventually. he’d probably even have to tell his mother in the far future. she said she’d like to attend his wedding, but how would she react when if tells her he can’t marry? how would she react if she finds out why?

“changbin, darling, are you okay? you look a little pale,” felix’s deep voice whispered, bringing changbin out of space.

“y-yeah, i was just-...”

“woojin won’t tell anybody.”

“i know, but i’m eventually going to have to tell people anyway & it’s making me nervous,” changbin told him honestly.

“okay, maybe you’re thinking about this too early on, you’ve only just accepted yourself darling,” felix reminded him.

“but, what if chan doesn’t-”

“shh, no, shut up, chan loves you & he definitely still will love you,” felix hushed, scooting closer to changbin to hold him close. 

“thank you… but what if-”

“binnie, love, are you okay? is your mind constantly this scared?”

changbin took a deep breath, he didn’t want to answer this question, even speak about this topic, but he knew that with felix there was no backing out. 

“i guess i am…”

“try not to think about it.”

“okay.”

felix sighed as he glanced at the clock on the wall, he took a mental note to bring this up another time. 

“anyway woojin is right, it’s getting late. are you okay with walking home by yourself?”

“yes, i’m okay with that, i’ll see you again sometime?”

“you definitely will darling,” felix whispered, pressing his lips against his cheek.


	5. - five -

“changbinnie, what is this? are these roses?”

“mhm, they’re for you lix… happy valentine’s day…” changbin mumbled, his voice barely audible & his gaze moving to the floor.

felix giggled as he took the bouquet from him “thank you so much, you’re so sweet darling,” he told him, engulfing him into a bear hug & nuzzling his face against the side of changbin’s neck.

“i’m sorry it’s only half a dozen.”

“it’s okay, binnie.”

“i made you something too. i’ve been learning how to bake, but i’m more confident in my cooking skills since i cook regularly for the younger members. it’s probably not amazing, sorry.” changbin told him quietly, holding out a small tupperware container.

“you know how to cook? you never told me that.” felix said as he set down the roses to receive the tupperware.

“yes, chan taught me.” 

felix opened the glass container, inside was a not-so-neatly decorated red velvet cupcake. the heart made of icing on top was nervous & wobbly. felix giggled at the sight, his heart swelling with pure adoration for changbin. 

“you’re so cute,” he told changbin before taking a bite out of the small pastry, changbin smiled in response “it’s good! i don’t know what you’re talking about binnie,” felix insisted.

“it is?”

“yeah!”

changbin’s cheeks turned pink “...thank you.” felix pressed a big kiss to one of his cheeks. 

“are you planning to stay? i wasn’t expecting your arrival but your presence is very appreciated… i’d love it if you’d stay,” felix whispered. 

“yes but, you weren’t expecting me today? it’s valentine’s day &… you’re my valentine felix,” changbin told him, taking felix’s hand in his & intertwining their fingers. 

felix squeezed changbin’s hand “i know, it’s just that sometimes you can be… insecure & i understand that-”

“i’m not insecure anymore, i thought i made it clear the other day that i accept the fact that i’ve fallen for the most beautiful boy,” changbin’s voice trailed, his voice became barely audible but his eyes were on his the whole time as he confessed, bringing up felix’s hand to press a kiss to his knuckles.

felix’s eyes widened, he wasn’t expecting the confidence that changbin was showcasing “…thank you,” he muttered eventually, a smile appearing on his face “i’m falling for you too.”

changbin pulled him in for a short kiss “please don’t tell anyone about this,” he whispered when felix pulled away. 

“i wouldn’t do that to you,” felix responded just as quietly. 

changbin smiled wide, curved smile contrasting with his angular face as he engulfed him into a hug “woojin isn’t here right?” he whispered, pressing soft kisses to felix’s jawline. 

“yes, he’s in…” felix paused, changbin looked up at him from where his face was nuzzling into his neck, causing felix to stare back at him, glancing down at his lips for a millisecond “…he’s in class,” he finished, his voice significantly lower. 

eventually changbin gives in, they kiss for longer this time, it’s deep & passionate, they moved to the couch midway through. they savour every centimeter of each other’s lips, mouths. felix hummed against the kiss, the sound low, rumbling, contrasting with the silence around them like thunder. they pull away eventually, still pressing chaste kisses to one another’s cheeks, lips, nose.

“lix, dear,” changbin started after a few minutes of this “your lips are heaven, but we can’t spend all day kissing each other.”

“i’m getting bored of this too,” felix agreed “what should we do?” he muttered mostly to himself as changbin began to pet his hair. felix’s lips were pulled into a slight pout, his eyebrows furrowed atop his eyes that were shut closed. suddenly his expression turned into a mischievous grin “hey i have an idea,” he whispered. 

“what is it?”

“have you ever tried cannabis?” felix asked.

“no...why?”

felix lowered his voice more, tone serious “do you mind trying it?”

changbin looked back at him & shook his head slowly “...no, i don’t mind.”

“okay then, it’s settled, i’ll be right back.”

he disappeared into the hallway for a short amount of time. when he came back, he held all the necessary components to “enter the true fully aware & unaware state of being, both spiritually & mentally.” or at least, that’s what it was according to felix.

thus they begun, felix guiding changbin along the path to “enlightenment.”

>>>>>>

“the night sky is so mysterious,   
so dark,   
the stars & moon so bright,   
so gorgeous,   
a striking contrast to their surroundings, they remind me of you lix,”   
changbin recited, staring out the window as he brought another chip from the bag he was holding up to his mouth.

it was the middle of the day, the sun was out.

felix smiled his biggest smile yet “d'aww that’s so sweet~” felix muttered from the sofa, drawling out the last word. 

“maybe i should write it down.”

“there’s some pen & paper on the coffee table over there.” felix agreed, pointing to the small table literally right next to him.

“thank you dear,” changbin said, as he acquired the said materials & moved to go back to his weird standing spot in front of the window. 

“noooo, binnie, darling, take a seat on the couch,” felix whined patting the empty spot next to him on the sofa.

changbin furrowed his eyebrows “why?” he asked, setting himself down on the couch felix spoke of.

“let’s go to sleep.”

“why?” changbin repeated & this time it sounded more like a whine.

felix’s smile grew until he went into a fit of giggles. 

this made changbin laugh a little as well “what are you laughing about?” he asked in between breaths.

“nothing i’m just really happy,” felix told him. 

when they both finally calmed down, changbin had decided to listen to felix, laying down on top of him despite the fact the couch wasn’t that small. 

“binnie, get off you’re heavy,” felix complained.

“no.”

“actually, we should go to my bed,” felix agreed. 

“okay.”

felix carried changbin into his room & laid him on his bed.

felix giggled “you’re so small, i could carry you like a baby.”

“i’m not small!” changbin defended.

“you’re small & cute,” felix continued, pressing small, soft kisses on changbin’s neck.

changbin only grumbled in response, too sleepy, too high, & too fond of felix’s plush lips on his skin to properly argue with him, they fell asleep fast in each other’s embrace. 

>>>>>>

felix woke up first, quickly spotting a picture on the nightstand that wasn’t there before. it was of them napping together, they held onto each other tightly & their legs intertwined, one of the most peaceful photos felix had ever seen. in the corner was a big red heart drawn with a marker.

woojin was back home, he liked to draw on the pictures he photographed. 

felix realized woojin was out for a while. he said he needed to get a few things from the pharmacy but that wouldn’t take more than twenty minutes, he took hours to get back home today.

felix laid down on the bed again to face changbin at eye level. he ran his index finger along the prominent, steep, slope of his nose. felix let himself continue through the dip of changbin’s angel’s wing & past the curves of his lips. he traveled along his chin & into his neck, going over his adam’s apple to go through another dip of his collarbone. he went along the center of his chest & into his abdomen to stop at his navel.

“what was that?” changbin voiced suddenly, startling felix & making him quickly pull back his arm.

“i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to scare you lix dear,” changbin apologized.

“were you awake that whole time?”

changbin smiled “yeah, that thing you did was really cute.”

“was it? i don’t even know what i was doing…”

changbin considered kissing him for a second before deciding otherwise for now “my mouth feels a little fuzzy, i have some mints though, do you want one?”

“yes, thank you,” felix replied.

changbin pulled the small container out from his pocket. he always had mints with him, the smell of your breath after you smoked was unpleasant after all.

there was only one mint left but changbin put it in his mouth anyway, he had an extra pack since he knew he was running out. but he couldn’t find it, felix watched him look through all his pockets & almost do it again before he stopped him.

“it’s fine binnie, i think i have some downstairs-”

“we can… we can share…? they’re pretty big anyway… these mints…” changbin interrupted.

“share the last mint? how?”

“like this,” changbin whispered, he cut the mint in half with his front teeth before connecting his lips with felix’s to pass him one half with his tongue.

“wow okay,” felix muttered before he started to giggle.

“is mr. kim home yet?”

“who? oh that’s right, yeah he’s here, i haven’t seen him yet though.”

“maybe we should go greet him.” changbin suggested.

felix agreed so they made their way down the stairs & found him in the kitchen making tea (again). he was humming a happy melody, a smile on his face that seemed permanent. at this moment, changbin thought he resembled felix a lot despite the fact that they weren’t actually related.

“hello mr. kim,” changbin said.

“hi changbin, would you like some tea?”

“yeah, sure.”

“woojin is addicted to tea, if you haven’t noticed,” felix told him.

“i have noticed, but i like his tea so i don’t mind.” changbin responded, bringing the mug up to his lips.

“correct answer,” woojin said.

“how was your day?” felix asked hoping to get an explanation out of him.

“i don’t know i mean…” woojin paused, turning a little red “i mean, what are you doing talking to this old man? go upstairs & have fun by yourselves.”

“you’re not an old man! stop exaggerating!” felix exclaimed, before taking his cup of tea & his (pretty much at this point) boyfriend up the stairs.

when they arrived upstairs, they went back into felix’s room & sat back down on the bed.

“what’s this?” changbin asked, referring to the picture of them sleeping.

felix leaned over to see what changbin held in his hands, he smiled when he recognized it “woojin took that photo, it’s cute right?”

“yes it is,” he pointed to the red heart in the corner of the photo “did he draw this here?”

“yes, he likes to draw on pictures for some reason, i think it’s a nice touch though,” felix told him.

“what’s this under it? it looks like a poem,” referring to a page of lined paper filled with stanzas of words.

“i think you wrote that.”

changbin paused for a second to search through his memory files “i wrote this?”

“while you were high, i mean.”

“oh that makes sense.”

changbin kicked his legs back & forth as he sat on felix’s bed. he placed the mug he just emptied on felix’s nightstand. felix scooted closer to him to wrap his arms around changbin & nuzzle his face into his neck.

changbin pressed a gentle kiss into felix’s bleached hair & then another one on one of felix’s soft red cheeks. he continued to pepper him with kisses all the way down his neck.

“stop that binnie! it tickles!” felix said in between giggles.

changbin didn’t stop, felix’s laughter only getting more intense, eventually falling back into the bed out of weakness.

changbin pulled away from felix’s neck to let him catch his breath, watching him pant from the lack of strength in his lungs as he hovered over him.

“it’s getting a little late, chan gets worried easily so i should be getting back home soon,” changbin told him.

felix pouted “okay, let’s see each other again soon?” 

changbin smiled “of course.”

felix walked him to the door & they bid their farewells.

“woojin, where were you?” felix asked when changbin left.

“i went to the pharmacy.”

“for two & a half hours?”

“...yeah?” woojin said, voice barely audible.

“you’re a bad liar, just tell me.”

“i went… i went on a date…”

woojin’s voice was quiet, his gaze on the tiled floor of the kitchen. he looked guilty because he felt guilty, he knew he didn’t have the time or emotional energy to be dating people anymore, at least not until he finished school. 

felix was surprised. despite it being valentine’s day, going on a date was the last thing he would’ve guessed he’d been doing. woojin would spend the night at people’s houses often, but going on dates? felix knew he hadn’t been on one in years.

“did you have fun?” felix asked him instead.

“yes, it was nice.”

“congratulations, i’m proud of you,” felix told him, a genuine smile on his face.

“you shouldn’t be the one that’s…” woojin trailed off in half-protest “thank you,” he said instead.

felix knew woojin wasn’t going to tell him who he went out with so he didn’t ask.

“don’t go to sleep too late okay?” 

felix glanced at the clock in the corner of the kitchen. why did changbin always leave so late? or worse why did they take a nap so late? how was he possibly going to sleep if he just woke up? 

“felix?”

“yeah, sorry woojin, i won’t go to sleep too late.”

woojin smiled “okay.”

>>>>>>

“channie hey,” changbin greeted.

“welcome back bin,” chan replied.

“what’s this? a receipt? for a large teddy bear? you need some help falling asleep chan?” changbin teased.

“no it was a valentine’s gift, i went out on a date with someone.”

“really? who is sh-”

“changbin,” chan said, his voice low, his tone thick & heavy. a warning. it was time to change the subject.

“nice weather outside,” changbin was admittedly not trying very hard to change the subject.

“what did you do today?” chan asked.

“i went to felix’s-...” changbin stopped himself, maybe he shouldn’t have said that.

chan sighed “i owe you an apology changbin, the whole not dating anyone thing is honestly not a big deal. it’s your life, so i get it & i’m so sorry for teasing you every two seconds about it, i know it must get annoying. you aren’t less of a person just because you don’t feel comfortable dating anyone & i’ll tell the rest of the members to shut up about it too-”

“chan i’m not- i- you don’t understand just yet...”

“well then make me understand bin, what’s going on?” chan pressed.

“umm.”

“changbin what are you so afraid to tell me?!”

“i’m in love with lee felix.”

chan let out a sigh of relief. “goodness, i thought you went & did something really stupid. that’s why i yelled, i’m sorry i yelled.”

“it’s okay.”

“i guess i have to tell you now huh?”

“tell me what?”

“come over here, let me hug you.”

changbin transferred himself from the armchair to the couch where chan was sitting.

“your hugs are the best,” changbin voiced.

“no, woojin’s hugs are the best, he’s like- he’s like-”

chan giggled when he thought of what woojin resembled. he giggled.

“a big bear.” 

“is he?” changbin asked.

“oh gosh, he’s really adorable.”

“you think so?”

chan smiled wider “i know so,” he muttered, followed by a sigh of content “i’m so in love with him changbin.”

“go to sleep soon &... tonight never happened right?”

tonight never happened was a less scary version of i’ll kill you in your sleep, it also applied to both parties.

“tonight never happened,” changbin confirmed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took so long i’m: :(
> 
> reminder that my twitter is @snooorf i have some of my art there too.


	6. - six -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i think i figured out their ages???? finally?????
> 
> woojin - 20  
> chan - 20  
> minho - 18  
> changbin - 18  
> felix - 17  
> jisung - 17  
> seungmin - 17  
> hyunjin - 17  
> jeongin - 16
> 
> i added minho & seungmin too even though they're only mentioned because i'm going to (hopefully) keep these ages consistent throughout the series. 
> 
> also prepare yourselves for this chapter if you truly value yourselves.

felix knew he wasn’t supposed to have gone out alone in the middle of the night, but he really wanted a bag of chips from the corner store. it was only a block away from his house, but he got jumped anyway. this time they lasted so long hitting & kicking him, that he couldn’t get up afterwards. he was only half a block away from his house but it hurt to move at all. his ribs hurt the most, they felt fractured but he really hoped they weren’t, he didn’t want to worry woojin. 

felix didn’t know how long he stayed there before someone walked up to him:

“are you okay?” they asked, voice softened with concern.

“not really,” felix replied with an empty laugh. he couldn’t make out their face in the darkness of midnight, their voice felt familiar though, he knows this person.

“felix? why are you on the ground?”

“because… i can’t get up…”

they wanted to ask more questions of course, but they didn’t “...i’m going to pick you up, bring you home, if you don’t mind.”

“thank you.”

felix hissed in pain when they picked him up. they carried him the rest of the way home, going up the few wide steps into woojin’s porch, the lights outside flickering on when they came into vicinity. felix looked up at curly hair & gentle eyes filled with worry.

“oh felix, what happened to you?” chan asked in a whisper, his gaze scanning his face.

“i don’t… know,” he replied just as quietly.

“you look really… we might need to drive you to the hospital.”

felix bit his bottom lip making it bleed more. did he really look that badly beaten up?

“can you ring your doorbell for me felix? my hands are a little full,” chan told him, hoping to cheer him up. it worked, a small but genuine laugh emitting from him as he pressed the doorbell. 

“woojin loves you a lot, he talks about you a lot,”

felix furrowed his eyebrows “when did you get close enough to him to know what he talks about a lot?”

chan let out a disappointed sigh. he didn’t know why he assumed woojin told him. “i guess we’ve been talking.”

woojin creaked open the door just enough to mumble an annoyed, “what do you want?” woojin got grumpy easily when his sleep was interrupted. 

“it’s me,” is all chan said back.

“chan, baby, i’m really tired tonight & i-“

“i-i have company with me,” chan cut off, but he realized that was for nothing when felix wiggled his eyebrows up at him, knowing smile on his face.

“what? so late at night? who is it?” woojin questioned, sounding a little more awake. 

“i found felix laying on the sidewalk, the poor boy couldn’t even get up so i had to carry him here.”

woojin opened the door fully, confusion written on his face for only a few seconds before he looked down at felix, replacing his expression with pure sorrow. 

“felix, w-who did this to you?” woojin asked, his voice so incredibly soft as he placed a hand on his bruised cheek. he could tell woojin wanted to cry but he was trying not to for felix. he felt his heart sink at that, crying was a normal human reaction, who was he to tell woojin he couldn’t cry in front of him?

“i don’t know, it was too dark out,” felix replied as chan walked in to set him down on the couch.

woojin bit his bottom lip, eyes still on felix “chan you have class in the morning, no?”

chan looked back at felix, wondering what this had to do with anything “i do.”

woojin turned to face chan, he held his hand in his two bigger ones “you should go home & get some sleep, a million times thank you channie.”

“a million times you’re welcome,” chan told him, a weak smile appearing on woojin’s face as he left through the door.

“…why has this been happening so often?!” woojin snapped in frustration making felix flinch, “why can’t you go to the corner store to get a bag of chips in your own neighborhood?!” he continued, walking over to the couch where felix was, woojin lifted him up from the armrest slightly, gently, one hand on felix’s back “y-you’re just a boy, you don’t deserve this,” he said quietly this time.

felix tried to soothe woojin, tracing circles on woojin’s back with his hand. woojin’s anger quickly disappeared, but only because a new wave of worry overlapped it.

“w-why can’t you stand?” woojin stuttered, mad at himself now for not staying calm & asking about it earlier. 

felix hadn’t even been thinking about that, his mind so focused on the pain in his ribs. 

“my ankles hurt a lot, but my ribs hurt the most,” felix told him honestly. 

woojin furrowed his eyebrows “your ribs?”

“yes,” felix confirmed, tone quiet. 

woojin cupped his cheek, felix looked so sad in woojin’s arms, face littered with bruises & blood spilling from places like his nose & lips. 

“i’m going to drive you to the hospital.” woojin decided, tone unwavering. this statement wasn’t up for discussion. 

felix bit his bottom lip, “okay,” he responded without protest. 

>>>>>>

the doctor entered the room, paperwork in hand “lee, felix?” she questioned as she looked up from her clipboard. 

“yes?”

“oh i remember you,” she said when she laid eyes on him “weren’t you the boy that brought in… what was his name?”

“i don’t know either, maybe if you can tell me how long ago was it?”

“do you bring in people that often that you have to ask that question?”

felix’s lips twitched into something that resembled a smile, “i guess so.”

she smiled back more genuinely, “anyway, i should read your diagnosis.”

“oh yeah,” felix muttered. 

“both of your ankles are twisted, your ribs are fractured, & your nose is broken. you’re doing very well for the pain you must be in, we’ll give you some morphine shortly, okay?” she told him. 

“thank you so much,” woojin said before felix could. 

“you’re welcome & it’s pretty late, you should try to get some sleep.”

“okay,” felix muttered as she left. 

felix actually was very tired, the events that had played out over the last hour drained any energy he had out of him. 

felix looked over at his belongings on the nightstand, things he had in his pocket before he changed into the hospital gown. his wallet, his keys, & the piece of paper he wrote changbin’s telephone number on.

changbin. 

his gaze shifted to the telephone sitting next to his things on the nightstand. he really wanted to call him, tell him everything, but he was oh so exhausted. yet, he also really wanted to see him tomorrow. 

“woojin, can you call changbin for me? i’m very tired.”

“of course felix.” 

“also, please use some of my money to buy yourself tea or coffee or something.”

he smiled at the offer & just from the look on his face felix knew that he wasn’t going to spend any of his money. 

“okay, i love you felix.”

“i love you more than you could ever imagine, thank you so much for entering my life.”

woojin didn’t buy himself anything that night, not even with his own money. like always he craved tea, but he wanted it homemade, & he wanted someone else to make it for him as he was pretty tired himself. after woojin called changbin, he leaned back into the chair & closed his eyes wishing for sleep to wash over him. he found the seemingly comfortable armchair uncomfortable & the events that had happened too intense, but he easily drifted into sleep with the help of peaceful, domestic thoughts that included a certain curly haired “gang” leader, wearing those knitted sweaters he wore when he wasn’t in public while making him tea & sharing soft kisses with him.


	7. - seven -

felix blinked a few times, his eyes adjusting to the blinding white of the hospital room as he regained consciousness.

“hey… you're awake…”

a wave of déjà-vu hit felix as he turned to face changbin who was sitting next to his hospital bed.

“binnie… darling…” felix whispered back, his eyes falling to the plastic bag in his hands. 

“i brought you some breakfast if that’s okay.”

felix bit his bottom lip & tears gathered in his eyes as he quickly moved his gaze to look anywhere but at changbin.

“gosh, i can’t take this anymore changbin, why won’t people just leave me alone?” he muttered, his voice was unexpectedly stable. 

changbin moved to take his hand in his, intertwining their fingers as he thought of a response, “dearest felix, those people only hurt you because they are cruel, but you’re doing a very good job enduring everything. i’m very proud of you.” 

“thank you, thank you so much for being here for me.”

“you’re welcome, dear.”

felix took a few moments, wiping at his eyes with the back of his other hand “i’m going to… go brush my teeth,” felix announced, he brought up changbin’s hand that was still in his & pressed a kiss to his knuckles before letting go. felix pushed the thin blanket to the side to sit himself onto his wheelchair. 

“you need a wheelchair?”

“yeah, they twisted both my ankles so i wouldn’t be able to walk.”

“oh god,” changbin said more to himself than to felix as he disappeared into the bathroom. 

changbin decided to take this opportunity to set up the breakfast he made for felix: a stack of blueberry pancakes & a cup of hot chocolate. he placed everything on a tray next to the bed as he waited for felix to finish in the bathroom. 

“how long has it been, since we’ve last seen each other?” felix asked as he exited the bathroom, making changbin turn his attention back to him. 

“a month,” he replied quickly. 

“but… it feels like more…” felix trailed, sentiment in his gaze. 

changbin didn’t say anything in response, he just leaned in to kiss him, it was a tender, passionate kiss. changbin was taken aback by the cold, minty taste in felix’s mouth, almost forgetting about the fact he had just brushed his teeth. felix traced changbin’s sharp jawline as he felt changbin’s hands come up to cup his round cheeks, running his thumb over some freckles bundled up at the top of his cheekbones every so often. 

“gosh, i really miss you,” felix said when they pulled apart.

“i miss you more, my love,” changbin declared, his gaze never leaving felix’s & he really hoped he wasn’t being too cheesy. 

a shade of warmth appeared on felix’s cheeks. “oh changbin,” he swooned, his hand never leaving changbin’s jawline.

“lix, you should eat,” he suggested, resting his hand on top of felix’s. 

“i really should,” he muttered, pulling away from changbin to turn his attention to the food he brought for him.

“thank you for getting me breakfast, the food here can be quite… unpleasant.” felix scrunched up his nose at the thought, cringing as he remembered some of the things the nurses had brought him. 

changbin laughed at the nature of the statement. “you are very welcome,” he replied eventually. 

“i’m sorry i haven’t been talking to you much lately, i’m swamped with schoolwork,” he apologized as he poured syrup over his blueberry pancakes. 

“i know, you told me over the telephone a few weeks ago.”

“i still feel bad about it though,” felix admitted as he took a bite of his breakfast. 

“don’t, it’s not your fault. besides, this is all temporary. in the summer we’ll have dates together five days of every week instead of school.”

felix giggled at changbin’s promise. “don’t be ridiculous, you’ll have to win the lottery to be able to go out that many times.”

“who ever said anything about going out & spending money?” 

“you are quite determined, i see,” felix muttered, his smile growing bigger to spread across his face.

“of course i am, anyway, what’s been going on felix? now that i have a chance to talk to you.”

“nothing much with me, it looks like woojin has something going on though…” felix told him, a playful grin on his face.

“what do you mean?”

“woojin has a lover,” felix whispered placing a hand over his swelling heart, the mischievous grin quickly turning into the fondest smile changbin’s ever seen & his eyes were filled with pride for woojin “chan & woojin are so cute together no?” felix let out a small giggle.

“very,” changbin agreed, remembering the sweet things chan said about woojin the other night. 

“how about you? what have you been doing?”

“well, i won first place in my school’s cooking competition,” changbin mentioned.

felix widened his eyes comically, the action dwarfed the rest of his face & it made changbin laugh a little “really?!”

“yeah, word spreads quickly in my high school so i’m pretty sure my reputation as scary gang co-leader is dead.” changbin told him, disappointment washing over him. 

“what are you so disappointed about? you’re actually a big softie & there’s nothing wrong with making that public.”

“yes there is, that was my only source of power, no one is going to respect me anymore,” changbin explained.

“oh darling, the people that matter will never lose their respect towards you over a cooking competition. anyone that needs to be scared of you in order to respect you is insignificant.” 

changbin sighed “i know, i know. i’m just not as strong & proud as you are.”

felix opened his mouth to say something but he just shut it closed again. he really didn’t know how to respond to that. changbin realized he wasn’t going to say anything so he continued:

“chan was the one who suggested for me to enter the contest, he was so happy when i won,” changbin reminisced. 

“of course he was, i’m happy for you too, you deserve it.”

changbin smiled before he glanced down at felix’s watch, the smile on his face immediately dropping. 

“it’s already eleven? shit, i have to go.”

“you’ll come back soon?” felix asked with a pout, he didn’t want him to leave already.

“of course, my dearest felix,” changbin whispered, pressing a quick kiss to his lips. “farewell.”


	8. - eight -

“you’re not allergic to macadamia nuts, right?” bin asked, pulling tupperware out of his backpack.

“no, i’m not,” felix confirmed, smiling as he received the container, “thank you,” he told him, looking up at changbin from the hospital bed. 

“you are very welcome, my dearest. i’d like to ask though, why do you have a guitar with you today?” changbin questioned, eyeing the acoustic guitar sitting next to him.

“i would actually like to play a song for you, if you don’t mind.”

“of course i don’t mind, i would love to hear you play,” changbin responded, a smile of excitement on his face. 

felix tuned the guitar a little, twisting the knobs at the end of the wooden, hollow instrument. he played a happy, upbeat melody, his fingers pressing down on & letting go of the strings as his hand darted up & down the length of the guitar’s spine. it was a short song, lasting for only about a minute, when felix finished it he put the guitar back where it was, next to him on the hospital bed. 

“this song is longer but-”

“that was amazing dear,” changbin cut him off, he laughed at himself a little before he apologized, “i’m sorry, what were you saying?”

“but, it sounds a lot less repetitive with vocals.”

“then why don’t you sing? do you think you’re bad at it?” changbin questioned. 

“no i’ve taken vocal training for years, it’s just that…” felix trailed, his gaze fixed on his guitar laying next to him.

“it’s just that what lix?” changbin asked gently, hand reaching out to intertwine their fingers.

“when i hit puberty my voice just dramatically dropped in pitch & i guess, it’s really not a good reason but, that’s why i don’t feel confident enough to sing anymore,” felix explained. 

“you don’t like your voice?”

felix shook his head gently. 

“but your voice is so perfectly handsome,” changbin whispered, watching a soft blush colour his cheeks & running his thumb over felix’s knuckles as his thoughts focused on felix’s voice, “it is deeper than any ocean & filled with the most beautiful fish,” he blurted out. 

felix covered his cheeks with his hands as if that would stop the blood from rushing up to his face, “oh changbin, how do you even come up with these types of things?”

“i’m just so inspired by you.”

felix only covered the rest of his face with his hands. changbin giggled, muttering something along the lines of “cute”.

“shouldn’t you be in school or something? it’s twelve on a weekday,” felix pointed out & there was a notable pause before changbin responded. 

“…don’t tell chan i’m not in school,” changbin whispered, mischievous grin on his face. 

“binnie! you can’t just miss school like that,” felix scolded. 

“i just couldn’t wait a whole school day to see you,” changbin whined, pouting his lips for emphasis. 

felix bit back a smile, “just don’t do it again darling, okay?”

“my education isn’t as important as you are, but if you really want me to go to school then i guess i have to.”

“go home & study, i’ll see you in the weekend when you actually have free time.”

changbin wanted to tell him he didn’t have to study but that would be a lie so he reluctantly bid his farewells to felix, counting down the hours until he could see him again.


End file.
